help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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