Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
