I think I won the penis lottery.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
