it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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