my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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