If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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