So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
