she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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