Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Girls should come with a carfax report
He passed out mid-signature
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
