i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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