No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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