As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
