She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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