I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
