don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
