Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
