Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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