chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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