I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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