I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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