You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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