Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
