I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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