What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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