1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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