whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Can I color on your dick again?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
