just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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