I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
