am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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