I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
