you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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