Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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