she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
