did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize