Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
