I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
