can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
