Soap is not a condiment
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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