IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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