She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
