Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Holy shit dude........stairs
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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