It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
