There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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