Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize