I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
