I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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