When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Operation Purity has been aborted
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
