Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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