I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize