Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
