I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it was like eating out sand paper
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
