Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also, beer. Big fan.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
