the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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