textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
