That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
