i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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