I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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