I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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