Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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