I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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