We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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