he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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