Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
