i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do vagina's smell?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
