She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
