I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I want her autograph on my taint
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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